Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a very effective form of couples counseling, which I have been trained in and have been practicing for the past 4 years. During my 20 years as a practicing therapist, this has been one of the best trainings I have ever experienced. Personally, EFT has had a great impact on my life. It has transformed my relationship with my husband of 16 years for the better. Professionally, it has allowed me to help my clients stop their dance, and communicate in a new way, so their feelings and needs are better heard by their partner. EFT helps couples feel closer, more connected and in love again!
1. An EFT therapist has years of post-graduate training in this model, in addition to having already practiced therapy for many years.
2. EFT is an evidenced-based model of therapy. It has been shown through research to be effective in creating long lasting changes in 70% of the couples who participate.
3. Your EFT therapist will help you see the pattern of repetitive conflict and the negative dance you are caught in, and aid you in interrupting that pattern. This will allow you to finally change the dance, so you and your partner can understand each other, and meet each other’s needs in a new way.
4. An EFT therapist will not place blame, or shame either of you. She sees the negative dance as the problem, not you or your partner. The goal is to help you both change that dance, so you can feel closer and more connected.
5. Many clients ask how many sessions will this take? Generally EFT is a short-term effective model for couples counseling lasting from 8-20 sessions. This is an average, and in some cases more sessions may be necessary.
6. Clients often worry that couple’s counseling sessions may make things worse, because they have to talk about the problems in the relationship.
When you work with me, we will talk about the problems in terms of how it escalates your dance and where you get stuck. Then, we will process what you both do in the dance, and how you feel when you get stuck there. It is more about processing your emotions, and talking about them in a new way. I will stop you if you and your partner start to get too heated, or the interaction becomes unproductive. We will slow it down, and look at the pattern or dance you just got stuck in.
7. The beautiful thing about EFT is that once you know what you are doing or once you become aware of your dance, you will be able to stop it on your own when you are alone together. You will say something like, “Hey, we’re doing it again,” and just that can have a positive impact on your relationship.
8. As an EFT therapist, I am gentle, warm, and supportive. I will not be confrontational or challenging. I will help you and your partner talk about your feelings in a new way, so you can reconnect and both get your needs met.
9. EFT also has a self-help book for couples called “Hold Me Tight” that will give you and your partner tools and a guide to read and practice, while having bonding conversations together.
10. Thanks to the work of Dr. Sue Johnson and EFT, we now know what it takes to have a secure bond, and we also have a map to create a loving and stable relationship.
With EFT the most important thing we learn is that love is not a secret anymore. A healthy and loving relationship is not only attainable, but sustainable.