Signs That You are Emotionally Connected
Since my previous blog post was about signs that you are emotionally disconnected from your partner, I thought it would be good to do a more positive post and describe five signs that you and your partner are emotionally connected. This is the key to a long- lasting marriage. Being emotionally connected means that you and your partner show each other:
You are available to them whenever they need you.
You are emotionally responsive which means that if your partner shares something with you; you respond or share back with him or her.
You are engaged. This means when you communicate with your spouse, you are not looking at your phone or your computer; you are present, looking at your partner and ready to listen to what they have to say.
Great Emotional Connection = Great Sex
According to Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, great emotional connection leads to great sex. That makes sense right? If you are feeling close to your partner, and feel heard and that you matter to them, that will make you more attracted to them, and will increase your desire for intimacy.
So, what does being emotionally connected look like? Here are 7 signs to describe what it feels like to be emotionally connected with your spouse.
- You talk about logistics and what your day looks like, but you also check in to see how your partner is feeling. Are they stressed about something? Are they looking forward to something? You wish them well and you offer support when needed. This daily check in is easy and doesn’t take a lot of time.
- When something good or bad happens to you or your children, you go to your spouse first. You want to hear what they think and how they feel about the situation and you rely on their feedback to decide what to do. You are each other’s cheerleader and biggest supporter.
- Your evenings are spent together. When you are home, you have TV shows that you like to watch together. Or you may be working on different things but you are in the same room, connecting and communicating when you can. You also have dinner together as much as possible.
- Sex is a frequent activity that you both share and enjoy together. You both seek each other out and connect physically on a regular basis. If one of you is tired or not in the mood, the other partner feels secure and safe that it is not a personal rejection. They understand that it doesn’t mean you don’t love them; it just means that you are tired and you need to rest.
- You find opportunities to talk to each other on a daily basis. You know that you are both busy and have little time to spare but you know how important it is to find that time to talk and connect. You want to know what is going on in your partner’s world and vice versa. You are genuinely interested. It feels good to talk together and hear what your partner has to say.
- Fun! You go on regular date nights and have fun spending time together doing activities that you enjoy. You plan exciting things to do like going to a concert or doing something outdoorsy.
- You do get mad and upset with each other as all couples do. But you don’t give each other the silent treatment or withdraw. You may need time to calm yourself down and when you are ready, you both talk about what happened, express your feelings in a constructive manner and repair the hurt that was caused.
As you can see, emotionally connected couples work on their relationship on a daily basis. They have daily communication, they spend time together, they have regular sex, they talk and have fun, and if they get angry or hurt by each other, they talk about it and work it out. It doesn’t mean these couples are perfect because no couple is. It just means that they have the tools to know how to connect, spend time and repair when they need to do so.
If it feels like you aren’t experiencing this in your relationship and you wish it could be like this, I suggest talking to your partner first. Tell them how you feel. If after talking about it with him or her and working on it, it doesn’t get better, then contact me. I specialize in marriage counseling and practice Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, and I would love to help you feel emotionally connected to your partner. It is possible to change and improve your connection if you both want it. You both deserve love and happiness!
If you believe you, or you and your spouse, could benefit from counseling to improve you connection I love to hear from you! Please call me at 561-203-9280 or email me here.